Fighting Fatigue

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2CO 4:16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Stark reminder of how weak my flesh is after 2 weeks of waking up early to seek the Lord. By God's grace, I managed to pull myself out of bed each day for the precious time of meeting up with our Savior. The time spent is priceless, as I can sense the Lord renewing my inner man, my faith, my relationship with Him. It is definitely a spiritual discipline worth pursuing.

But everything comes with a price. 2 weeks of reduced sleep is beginning to take its toll on my body. In the past few days, I have been waking up to headaches, body aches as my body adjusts itself to the new regime. It's been tough getting through the entire day, esp on days with hectic work schedules and late nights. The spirit is refreshed, but the body feels like quiting and dying on me.....

Part of me wants to give up this practice of waking up early....I mean, it is hard work....do I need to be so religious about it....what if i do it every other day instead? Why make life tougher than it already is.... Am I not entitled to more sleep and rest?

As usual, as fatigue creeps in, so does the threat of depression.

It is tempting to give up....But deep inside I know I need to persevere. As Ps YC put it so well...This Day We Fight! I believe that I am doing the right thing to seek and lay hold of God each day for my life, family and ministry, hence the mounting spiritual battles that begin to rage in my mind and body. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak...that is a fact. The solution? In Matt 26:41:

Mt 26:41 "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

The more weary I become, the paradox is that the more I need to seek the Lord :

MT 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

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So I must press on. Giving up is a big no-no.... the spiritually stakes are high here. I am contending for the lives of family and loved ones; giving up will be exactly what the enemy wants. I cannot give him that satisfaction!

It is going to be tough in the coming weeks, but I am game for this spiritual fight, and I intend to win it! As Paul had written:
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PHP 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

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So onward Christian Soldier!

(PS. Please do pray for me if you read this entry! It will be most appreciated! Thank you!)_

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Don't be a Sluggard

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PR 6:9 How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?
PR 6:10 A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest--
PR 6:11 and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.
PR 13:4 The sluggard craves and gets nothing,
but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.
PR 20:4 A sluggard does not plow in season;
so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing.
PR 22:13 The sluggard says, "There is a lion outside!"
or, "I will be murdered in the streets!"
PR 24:30 I went past the field of the sluggard,
past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgment;
PR 24:31 thorns had come up everywhere,
the ground was covered with weeds,
and the stone wall was in ruins.
PR 24:32 I applied my heart to what I observed
and learned a lesson from what I saw:
PR 24:33 A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest--
PR 24:34 and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.

Was convicted during the G12 conference and again when I meditated on the Book of Proverbs. God is telling me to repent - don't be a sluggard any longer when it comes to the things of the Kingdom of God.

Some may ask: "We are already so busy with the works of the ministry! How can we be sluggards?" That may be true; but God is pointing out to me that when it comes to the "crucial work" of the Kingdom, I am a sluggard. I may be busy with the work, but I am not faithful in doing the most important work of laying hold of God and praying for the Kingdom of God, for my 12, for the unsaved. Through my action (or inaction in this area) , I am effectively saying that prayer is not important enough; or that what I profess to be important about God's vision is actually not of high priority in my life.

How can I claim that the vision is important when I hardly pray and ask God to make it a reality in my life? So God is right to call me a sluggard....and no wonder there is "spiritual poverty" in my life where fulfilling the vision in my life is concerned. I have not plowed in prayer in season, so is it any surprise if at harvest I reap nothing?

I made a commitment to God since, that I will really get up an hour earlier each day to meet Him and pray for my life, by family and the fulfillment of the vision.
It is tough, I must admit, especially when I already need to work late some nights or when G12 meetings end late. I literally have to drag myself out of bed most mornings. But by God's grace, I have been doing it so far. It is tiring, but in my spirit I believe it is worth it and it is the right thing to do. Enough with excuses (I won't face lions or get murdered by waking up early...). It is time to show with my actions that I am willing to pay a real cost for what truly matters, instead of just paying lip service. Time to love my sleep less.

So many things to pray for....faith, heart for the lost, boldness to share the gospel, family, children, my spiritual sons, forming my 12, salvation of family, friends and colleagues...the list goes on.

So many things to do...spending the time with God to meet Him, talk to Him, listening to the Spirit, meditate on His Word...

How can I not find time to do all these daily, first thing in the morning if I claim to be serious about the vision and the Kingdom of God, and that it is Priority No. 1 in my life?

The amazing things that I want to share is that although the body feels tired, yet by starting each day with God, everything feels so much more aligned; the spirit within feels so much more alive. I struggle less. Things fall in place better in all areas of my life.

So by God's grace, I will continue to do this from now till my last days. And in this year of victory, I am trusting Him that simply by me spending time to seek Him faithfully in prayer, there will be breakthroughs in my life and ministry. Time to stake my faith on His promise that it is "not by power, nor by might, but by the Spirit of God!"

Also, it is not pleasant for my Heavenly Father to continue viewing me as a spiritual sluggard.....:-)
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Greedy for More

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This comic strip circulated in the company over the last 2 months, while the salary adjustment cycle was underway. Quite hilarious...but underneath that sarcastic humor, it does reveal a certain level of discontentment about being "overworked" and "underpaid". Typical complaint among employees. No employee will tell you he is underworked and overpaid, though in reality, quite a few people are...:-)

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The problem is that many of us employees want to exploit our employers: we want maximum pay and benefits for minimal work. We think we deserve it. Very few will actually question if our actual contribution warrants the salary that we desire.

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In a separate incident, in a webcast to employees, the CEO actually revealed that he received severe criticism from shareholders for paying out bonus to the employees recently, despite the company performing extremely well, and making tons of $$ for the shareholders.

The shareholders' gripe: that they would have gotten more $$ had the CEO distributed the employees' bonus to them instead !!!

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The CEO's rebuttal to them: Dun forget employees are the ones generating your profit. They deserve some reward too for making you the $$. If you don't like it...too bad!

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Again, the desire to exploit...wanting maximum returns on investment without wanting to share the spoils with others who have worked hard to give you the harvest in the first place.

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These 2 incidents reveal the fallen heart of man when it comes to wealth and money. The discontent and constant greed for more. The natural tendency to want to exploit others for our own gain. I must admit I am not totally free from that either.

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I need to be reminded of the teachings in the WOG:

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"...and be content with your wages." (Luke 3:14)

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" So I will come near to your for judgement. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulters and perjurers, against those who defraud labourers of their pay, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me, says the Lord Almighty" (Mal 3:5)

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Areas of application for me:

As an employee - My attitude in work, towards my bosses and the company. May I never be found wanting by God in not serving them well, as if I am serving the Lord. Also, need to avoid complaining about how much I am paid....:-)

As an employer - How I treat my domestic helper; may I never be found wanting by God in how I reward her for doing her work well as a housekeeper and caregiver in looking after my kids.

What I Learned : Be Thou My Vision

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It's been a memorable G12 conference week. Many of the messages spoke to me, but the one that blessed me most was actually Daniel Khong's message.

I am reminded again that the most important lesson that the ultimate vision for our life is God Himself. I need to continuously remind myself to abide in Him and walk in His ways. Too often I have tried to do may things, even things of the ministry without first abiding in Him. Too often, and no wonder, it leads to fruitless results. Too often I have tried to live out Christian values by my own strength. It is time to strive to be Christ-like, abiding in the Heavenly Father always, laying hold of Him everyday for the things that matter to the Kingdom - my life, my family, my 12 and the lost.

May I again to make the lyrics of this timeless 8th century hymn the anthem of my life again!

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.
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Walking in Righteousness - Revisited

The sermon on Sunday really spoke to me. Need to remind myself again that it is not alright to rationalise behaviour and habits that do not please the Lord. Need to call them what they are - sin. After the sermon, the lyrics of a old pop song kept ringing in my head -

"I give in to sin, because you have to make this life live-able..." ("Strangelove" by Depeche Mode)

God is probably using that to remind me that the above verse from an old pop song actually reflects how I think, and it is a worldview that I had subconsciously accepted whenever I try to rationalise or trivialise some of my sinful habits. Like what pastor said on the pulpit, I too have a tendency to play down some of my "weaknesses", for after all, no one is perfect, right?

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Life is tough enough as it is. Surely if I am 80%-90% walking right, that should be "acceptable" enough isn't it? Wrong! Talk about deception! God's Word is clear:

But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." (1 Pet 1:15)

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Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. (Rom 12:1-2)

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Indeed, it is again time to renew my mind. If I am serious about walking in righteousness, I cannot take God's grace for granted. I need to seriously work on these:

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(1) It is NOT OK to steal a few more glances at another attractive woman who crosses my path.

(2) It is NOT OK to skip my daily prayer or devotion time because I am too hard-pressed for time.

(3) It is NOT OK to lose my temper and snap at people around me, no matter how tired I am, or how stressful the circumstances.

(4) It is NOT OK to suppress the discomfort in my conscience to rationalise that it is alright to watch movies with demonic content that implies that it is cool to sell your soul to the devil (who isn't that bad a dude) so that you can use those power to do good and fight evil.

(5) It is NOT OK to read the newspapers each day on lives lost, lives destroyed by sin and not feel compassion for the lost - It is a sign of a hardened heart.

(6) It is NOT OK to be late in my tithing.

(7) It is NOT OK to forget (to give up as lost) and not pray for the unconsolidated lost sheep in my midst.

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The list continues........Looks like I have a lot to work on!

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Remaining in the Family

Someone asked me recently for my "secret"; how I managed to stay and serve in FCBC for close to 15 years.

It set me thinking. To be honest, the journey has not been smooth. Over the years, there have been periods when I seriously thought about leaving.

So in many ways, I guess I can identify with those who have left us for various reasons. I could easily have followed in their footsteps. The difference I believe is that God has lead me to view certain issues from a different perspective (after years of struggles); and that has been invaluable in helping me anchor myself in this family that He has placed me in. Let me briefly share them here:

(1) I believe that God placed me in FCBC. It is not by chance, nor is it a mistake that I am part of this body of Christ. Therefore, if I truly believe that God has put me here, then I will not leave unless God wants me to. And if God does lead me to leave, I believe He will also lead my spiritual leaders to affirm that decision. This accountability serves as a safeguard aganst deception, to ensure that my decisions do not go contrary to God's direction in my life.

(2) I believe that God has positioned God-fearing leaders over me for my blessings. They are not perfect, they do make mistakes, but I firmly believe that they always act out of good intentions to honor God and to bless His church. Hence, though I may not agree with every direction or decision that is made, but as long as they are in line with God's Word, I will submit, obey and do my utmost to be committed to their success. I believe that this attitude pleases the Lord.

(3) I believe that a major misconception needs to be eradicated, that we in FCBC are only task orientated and not at all people oriented. That is why people don't develop close friendships; and that casts doubts on how much people care for one another in this family. I have also heard comments that FCBC's DNA is such that it treats "broken wings" as liabilities that are at best tolerated. Hence, for people on the path of recovery to spiritual health, they are better off in a different church.

It is sad that such views are propagated over the years. As Pastor YC has beautifully illustrated in his blog : http://pascoaman.blogspot.com/2007/03/family-vs-friends.html; http://dreamersmoversshakers.blogspot.com/2007/03/more-on-closeness-vs-commitment.html ,

I think we need to differentiate between the "closeness" of "friendship" vs the "commitment" of "family". For me, at this stage of my life, the truth is that I am hard pressed for time to engage in additional activities to foster "closeness" within the spiritual family. Not that I do not think it is good to do so, it is just that this phase of my life just does not permit me enough time for that.

So does that mean that my spiritual family is less of a family since I lack the time to cultivate those relationships? Hardly. In fact, I am confident that if ever I asked for help, my spiritual parents and siblings will drop almost everything to come to my aid. That is the confidence I have in the commitment of my family towards me; and that, to me is far more valuable than feelings of perceived closeness in relationships.

And onto the fact that we are too task oriented to nurse broken wings back to health - again my own journey will lead me to disagree. Over the years, I have had my seasons of lows and struggles. Never have my leaders ever made me feel that I am a burden to them or to the ministry. Rather, their patience and understanding is one of the key reasons why I am still here, after more than 15 years.

This has been my family, and God willing, I will work towards making it my only one... till I see Him again.

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Preparing for Retirement

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Funny topic to be discussing here, considering that I will not be due for that for at least another 20 -25 years. But here in my workplace, among my peers, it is a big deal. Many are already making plans and working hard towards accumulating "enough" wealth to ensure that when that day comes in 20-30 years' time, they will have "enough" to retire, and yet be able to maintain the comfortable lifestyle that they want.

Favourite topic too when financial advisers talk to you...they will get you to estimate how long you think you will live, how much money you need to live the standard of living you want, and then they will tell you how much $$ you need to save with their plans to make sure that you are well "covered".

Many of my colleagues are into "retirement planning" in a big way. They spend loads of time and money on investments in property, unit trusts, stocks, shares; monitoring the state and returns on their investments regularly. It is serious business.

All these happening around me does affect me sometimes. I mean it does make sense to plan financially for our future. I think it is the correct and responsible thing to do.

The only problem is that I do not have the $$ or the time to do as my colleagues (all pre-believers) do. So it bugs me sometimes and does get me concerned to realise that though I have been financially responsible with my finances, my current family commitments do mean that I have little savings to save and invest for the future. And that worries me somewhat.

Good thing is that God knows all my feelings of insecurity (which actually translates to a lack of faith in Him) about the future and His Word once again speaks so clearly on these issues:

MT 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
MT 6:28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Word of God is so clear. I guess I know these verses well. But I need to get back to these basics ever so often, whenever the insecurities hit and whenever the voice of the world tells me otherwise.

Not that God is against responsible planning or "financial freedom". Question is whether we make that goal THE priority and obsession of our lives; instead of of seeking first the Kingdom of God.

It occurred to me that this is exactly what God is telling us in the Book of Ephesians about sitting tight, walking right and standing up to fight.

I need to once again know my position in Christ and to claim the promises of His Word, and then detemine to believe His Word and walk according to His promises. So that when the alternate voice attempts to cause me to stray from the right path, I need to make my stand clear & fight, by anchoring back to the Word of God, and then continue to walk right again.

And so the pilgrims' journey shall continue, till we reach eternity.
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So what if you gain the world?

Watched the movie "The Prestige" on the plane while flying back, and I must say, it left a deep impression on me.

For those who have not seen the movie, it was set in the late 19th century, and it traced the lives of 2 rival magicians/illusionists (played by Christian "Batman" Bale and Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman).

It told the story of how they allowed the thirst for success and revenge to bring misfortune into their lives. To achieve their goals, they resorted to unethical and murderous schemes, and in the process, sacrificed more and more of what is truly important - their happiness, families & even their lives.

In many ways, it was a sad movie to watch....seeing the men destroying themselves and the people around them to feed their obsession to outdo and destroy each other. The heavy price that they paid ...surely it was not worth it!

These verses kept flying back into my mind:

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, but forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36)

It sets me thinking about my own life. In the pursuit of success, material comfort and esteem, may I NEVER lose sight of what is truly important in life. May I never opt to satisfy my desires at the expense of my relationship with God or the well-being of loved ones. May I never wake up one day, bitterly regretting the choices that I have made, paying too high a price for "success" that is both temporal and hollow.

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