True Beauty

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A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

(Proverbs 31:10-31)

Read Proverbs this weekend, and I paused to meditate on the chapter on the wife of noble character again.

The qualities of the "ideal" wife in God's sight are clear:

She fears the Lord. She is a blessing to her husband, looks after him and her children well. She is hardworking, resourceful, skilled and capable, an excellent helper to her husband. She is of noble character; strong, wise and has a kind heart for the the poor and less fortunate.

Good looks and a shapely figure somehow does not appear in the list. Instead God reminds us of how fleeting external beauty is, and instead reiterates that it is a woman who fears the Lord who is to be praised. This is again re-emphasized in 1 Peter 3:3-5:

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.

I think we guys need to be reminded of this again and again. The media is bombarding us with the world's definition of feminine beauty everyday, and it is hard for us not to be influenced...sometimes so subtly that we may not even be conscious of it.

Yet, if left unchecked, and if we do not allow the Word of God and the Spirit to renew our minds in this area, the wrong perception of beauty is very likely to harm us in many ways. Exaggerated? Maybe not. It affects us at different stages in our relationships with women and can potentially deceive us into making wrong decisions at critical times:

(1) It may cause us to place more emphasis and priority on a woman's appearance during our dating & courtship years....we tend to choose to date ladies who are "pleasant & good" looking...rather than those with godly characters who may be less attractive. With that, the danger of choosing a spouse based on our criteria with a disproportionate emphasis on looks.

(2) We married guys are not spared either. If we were to bring the same warped values of feminine beauty into our marriage, it will not be long before real problems can arise. How long does it take for a married man to start having roving eyes if external beauty takes precedence in how he values his wife? What will it lead to? Unfaithfulness, adultery.....so many sad stories out there.

Of course, to be honest, all guys will prefer a godly woman who is beautiful in appearance as well. I think that is perfectly normal. But that is also an "ideal" that may not be realistic in this imperfect world. Our expectations must be guided by the Holy Spirit, and we need to be honest with ourselves on the scale of importance that we attach to looks, and re-calibrate if necessary.

So, I think it is time for us guys to refocus our eyes to align with God's definition of a woman's beauty. The faster we learn it and have it hard-coded into our value system, the better it is for us. Which is why I thought Pastor YC's message to the young adult guys 2 Saturdays ago to place character above appearance in choosing a spouse is so timely.

We need to recognise true beauty when we see it - beauty that does not depend on outward appearance, but comes from the inner self.

And I need to see my wife from that light more and more (in addition to her already beautiful outward appearance, of course...:P ), and recognise what a beautiful lady she is, and really appreciate how close she fits the God's description of an ideal wife in Proverbs 31.
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